there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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