my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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