It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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