Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
