the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
