You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
