you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I will die if light touches me.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
