Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
