I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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