i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
