he thought i was a dude.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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