Little spoons don't ask big questions
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
