got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
