Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
