Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
