Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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