i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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