I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Is it because I queefed?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
