i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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