Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
