the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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