SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
