Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
