the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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