i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
