I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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