You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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