Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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