I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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