I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
