my phone needs a breathalizer
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So vagazzling was a success
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
