It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
