Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
