He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
