But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry my hands just texted you
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
do nipples grow back?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
