1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
