How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
