maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
