you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
