did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
