he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
