We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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