marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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