i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
