Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
