Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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