a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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