I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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