I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
