Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
