it hurts more in the daytime
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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