Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
