And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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