is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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