this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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